The New Orleans Menu

Scrambled Eggs In Unlikely Places

Alexandra asks:
A friend and I were getting breakfast in a hotel cafe with a buffet. As I spooned up some of the scrambled eggs into my plate, I told her that you don't see perfect scrambled eggs in a steam table very often. "Perfect?" she almost shrieked. "I can't stand runny eggs like that! I don't know why they insist on doing them that way, when most people like dry scrambled eggs!" What's the right way to cook scrambled eggs. in your opinion?

That got us to talking about something related. My friend said that one night she was with her husband and another couple in an expensive restaurant, and she wasn't feeling well. She said all she felt like eating was scrambled eggs, because that's all she thought her stomach could stand. But she thought she'd be insulting the restaurant if she ordered that. Is that true?

Tom sez:
There is no neutral ground on that first matter, any more than there is about the doneness of steaks. My preference is for creamy-looking scrambled eggs, but my wife despises them that way. Makes it hard to eat at a breakfast buffet. When they're the way I like them, though, she gets the kitchen to make a special batch. Or she microwaves them if a mike is available. (Just a few seconds, though, unless you want to clean up exploded eggs. Hey--maybe that could be a good new dish! Splattered eggs?)

As for the second matter, there's no question that almost any restaurant should be willing to make scrambled eggs for anyone who wants them. They certainly have the ingredients at hand, and the cooks to make them. The problem is one that often gets in the way of common sense: restaurant employees are reluctant to sell something that doesn't have a price. As scrambled eggs probably wouldn't at, say, Commander's Palace. The best-run restaurants (Commander's would be one of those, in case it seems I'm picking on them) tell their people that customers can have whatever they want within reason--and there's nothing unreasonable about scrambled eggs.

I remember an article on this very subject in New York Magazine. The restaurant critic went around feigning a stomach ache, and asked for scrambled eggs. She reported on how she was treated. Most places brought it, nicely prepared with pretty garnish, without a fuss. Most didn't charge her at all; some charged the price of a typical entree. The ones who wouldn't do it looked pretty stupid. So this shouldn't be a cause of hesitation on the customer's part.

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