Archived Article By Tom Fitzmorris Originally published September 25, 2007 When Food Won't Grow Up I'm fascinated by the biological phenomenon called neoteny. It's seen in animals which retain juvenile characteristics into adulthood. The classic example of neoteny is the axolotl, a Mexican salamander that almost never leaves its tadpole state. Even when it becomes sexually mature, it still has gills and lives in water. (I hear it's delicious, too. But that's another story.) Neoteny is a characteristic of American society these days. It started in the Baby Boom generation that runs everything now. (In which I admit membership.) It shows up in many of our habits, including the way we eat. The restaurants know this, and have responded. Think about the contrast between what you had to learn when you began going to serious restaurants, and what restaurants offer now. Instead of expecting their customers to know about the basic tenets of fine dining and classics of cuisine, they go along with the flow. That results in barely-disguised versions of kidfood. The first outbreak of this I noticed occurred in the early 1990s. Suddenly, mashed potatoes swept across menus of even the best restaurants. (In fact, especially in the best restaurants.) There's nothing wrong with mashed potatoes, of course. But it's kidfood. As familiar as your own face. Utterly unchallenging. Totally conventional. Even when you use Yukon gold potatoes or purple potatoes with foie gras fat instead of butter, it's still mashed potatoes, and it still reaches out to the kid in you. Then came pancakes. That didn't last long, but I recall seeing little corn pancakes at Commander's and a few other restaurants. There was a resurgence of little rolls much like the brown-and-serve jobs your mom used to make. Right now, the major kidfood movement in adult eating glorifies the hamburger. Last month, both Gourmet and Bon Appetit had hamburgers on their covers.  Hamburgers are on dozens of menus in restaurants where they don't belong. (Never missing an opportunity to pander to a customer, the chain restaurants always have hamburgers on their menus, even when they go upscale.) Pick up the menu of any contemporary restaurant now, and read the descriptions. They sound fun, don't they? Nothing more aimed at kids than fun. This trend has much to recommend it. It has brought the mindless worship of food classicism to an end, and reminded us that food is a pleasure, not a sacrament. . On the other hand, it allows many restaurants to get by on totally unimaginative, inexpensive, boring food. I loved being sixteen and wich I could be again, but since I can't, I'd much prefer enjoying adult food. Ten Best Dishes Designed to Appeal to the Child in You Many of these can have gourmet touches added to them to justify their presence in a fancy restaurant, but it's kidfood all the same. 1. Pasta. 2. Mashed potatoes. 3. Fried anything. 4. Panneed anything, but especially veal. 5. Anything described as "fingers." 6. Any dish with melted cheese on top. 7. Pie. 8. Anything with bacon in or on it. 9. Ground beef in any form. 10. Any dessert built around a brownie. © 2007 Tom Fitzmorris. All rights reserved. news@nomenu.com